i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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