she was so not down for the gang bang
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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