Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
