i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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