No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
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I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Drake has all the answers
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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