There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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