Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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