He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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