Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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