I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
