Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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