If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
