I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
