Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
