Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
