Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
pop tarts are not kleenex
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
