i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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