I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
