While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
