So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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