Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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