My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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