So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
