She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
