I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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