What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize