we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
