I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
