i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
