the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
