You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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