There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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