I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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