plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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