Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
