after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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