ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
