why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again