I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
