I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire