me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
