Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender