So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
my liver is dry heaving
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
