So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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