mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
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I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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