Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
