sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
