Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
