I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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