Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
