The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
