Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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