He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize