Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
