I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
