Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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