I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
