every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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