I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
