you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
