We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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