Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
