I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
