Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
