im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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