i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
