So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
