He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
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The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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