TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
