I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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