i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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