Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
