she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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