3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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