I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
