what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
