my cup is half full, half full of rum.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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