Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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