ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
