i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
