Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He is an equal opportunity slut.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
