Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
