I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
