i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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