I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
