I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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